ok so yeah i haven't updated in like forever....nothing really has changed. I work with the athletic trainer at school and she is known as a bitch! she freakin talks behind my back and shit so y should it matter how i act? i do everything for that woman and all she does is disdespect me. i don't deserve that. well ne wayz i figured that its just one more person being fake with me. my own best friend won't talk to me or tel me shit so what does it matter? i wish ppl could just be honest with me. if they don't like me tell be cuz this fuckin suxs like hell. and the other student trainers that i work with for some reason i know are talking crap about me and they all would rather ignore me than even go near me. i get it. i just don't understand what i am doing wrong. i really wanna knoe. is it becasue i am a bitch sometimes? who isn't? well w/e im over this. i just hate it when ppl are fake to my face. or when ppl are supposed to trust me with everything like i do them  that they don't tell me shit regardless. i really don't get it and its making me very mad. maybe i should move? somewhere no one knows me so i can just start over. if i tell my mom that she will move in two minutes. nothing will ever go right again. i hate my life.

mary

hey all... so yeah im always depressed lately so it doesn't matter what i say. so yeah i have been trying to deal with freakin school and crap and its just all annoying me. i don't see my best friend and i miss her. i don't talkt to meg and court like i would want to or ne thing so theres no point in that. my mom is pissing me off cuz i was supposed to drive places and she will only let me drive on freakin weekends and i only drive like an hour a week. it fuckin sux. and its not like i tlak to ne one outside of school so it doesn't matter how i act at home cuz no one give a crap. if they did they would call once in a while. but i guess im just sooooo horrible that no one would want to talk to me outside of school. w/e. i bet my b-day is going to be crap like it always is. my mom can't afford ne thing i would want so thats gonna sux like it has for the last freakin 5 years.  but magically when my sis wants something big for christmas or a birthday she seems to get it in an instant. wow big surprise. w/e dude like my friends say they are going to do something but i doubt it. no one has kept a promise to me in about two years now. so there is no point in me getting my hopes up and just being let down again. i guess the only thing that matters is that i put on an act at school so ppl don't ask whats wrong like 6 billion times. it can get annoying. so w/e im done. another crappy birthday and year for me again. happy b-day to me.

mare

hey all... yeah its been like forever since i wrote ne thing here cuz im like addicted to myspace! lol! i love it! ne wayz school started and crap and i hate it once again cuz teachers have one love and that is to give us hwk so we have no lives. i haven't stopped doing hwk since the first day of school. and now im sick which of course makes everything better! NOT! ne wayz it blows cuz i don't see freakin amanda at all during school. i see her like in the hallway and we say hey but thats it. i haven't talked to her in life forver and i miss my best friend! its like fuckin 8th grade all over again! cuz we don't see each other and that got us into a lot of fights. i want to promise right now that i don't want this year to be like 8th grade. i want it to be ok between us but i need to talk to her! i have amanda withdraw!! lol! it suxs cuz we didn't hang out all summer and i got my hopes up that she was in my math class but of course shes smarter than me and gets to be in a higher level. so i still don't see her. and we even have the same lunch hour but we don't talk to the same ppl and crap so we don't sit by each other. yet again 8th grade. this suxs big time! at least we can move around to see each other but for some reason i don't go by her and she doesn't come by me. if u didn't know me untill this year u wouldn't think i'd be friends with her cuz we both changed soooooo much. sometimes its for the better. i changed for the worst. ne wayz i have to finish this pile of hwk be fore i fall asleep. ttyl

mare

so yeah today has been interesting.... first i get up so we can all go to an amusment park for our last day in kentucky. no one else got up!! so then i went back to sleep to wake up having trouble breathing. then everything hurt on my body and i didn't want to go ne where but i did cuz i didn't want to be stuck at home. so i went to the pool with everyone and it rained to it shut down. we had to wait an hour so my aunt could come get all 9 of us and pack into her van. then i got tired and went to sleep. when i woke up like 3 hours later (i was really tired!) i was freezing my ass off and shit and i was in a sweatshirt and jeans and a blanket for like an hour. then i was feeling a lil better but i was still having trouble breathing. my cousins form chicago came to kentucky like a week after us and they are staying longer. so my cuzin amanda and osama went to the movies without me and my sister. that suxed cuz we were alone with the adults and we didn't even get invited to tag along! it was bullshit! and then i get online waiting for them to get home and then christina ims me and trys to work things out. i didn't want to be friends with her ne more so i told her the truth about how i felt and she said i was attacking her? i didn't understand. then my cuzins finally get home and they bring andrea who is sooo freakin gorgeous and my grandma jsut kept telling her how beautiful she was and i was getting mad. still having trouble brething and i almost beat the hell out of my cuzin today. it was funni. he thought i was scared of him just cuz he got taller than me but of cousre i wasn't. he tried to get my other cuzin to hold me back but i charged at him and was ready to kill. this has been the worst vacation day ever. i still am having trouble breathing and i don't feel good. it suxs and now all i want to do is go home and forget everything and get ready to see some of the fake ppl again and just a selected few that i know care about me. i'll ttyl

mare

hey all! yeah i haven't written in a long time...again lol. but yea now im in kentucky having a blast!! the first night we came (yesterday) we went to the movies iwth like 10 kids! lol/ and on our way down here we got hit by a truck that left the car with a HUGE scratch!! it was scary but eveyone was ok and it was no big deal. yeah i didn't want a lot of ppl knowing whats going on with me like only two friends know and the rest don't. i really didn't want all of my family knowing cuz i didn't want to let them down. but of course that was a fat chance. everytime my grandma is with her friends or with someone who knows me or ne one from our family she will tell them! by the time i leave all of kentucky will know and i might let them all down. i don't want to dissapoint my family. if i do then its like i won't be able to sucseed in anything in their eyes and i couldn't live with that. im scared i will let sown the friends who know too. im scared. i dunno how long i can put up with this. it depends how long my mother is ragging on me to do things and to do what other ppl want. that could be the rest of my life but i dunno yet. well ne wayz.....we went go carting today and it was awsome!! when i get back i want to go again! lol. so yeah! i guess thats it. i start school the 22 on a freakin monday! whats that about?! lol. me schedule is....

1 geomerty-mathews

2 chemistry-rice

3 spanish-bellis

4-7 world studies-limans

8 lunch

9 choir-fantozzi

10 btw/ p.e.-anisworth

thats all guys!!

peace and love!

mare